Are You Listening????

A few months ago I was having a particularly tough time. Everywhere I turned, people were asking me questions and then questioning my answer. That drives me nuts. I mean, why ask me something if you aren't going to believe me!?

I enjoy a good dialogue as much as anyone-even about topics which always have different sides. There is a difference between a productive conversation progressing and feeling like you are being cut off at every idea. I like discussions that flow.

So, imagine my frustration when questions like, "Is it hot outside?" "Do I HAVE to change the cat litter?" and others were met with questions. There is just no reason answering simple questions should be so stressful. No need at all.

One Saturday morning I was making breakfast (which should have put me in good graces with the entire household, because I usually serve cereal) and my youngest asked me a really easy question. I answered and got "NO, that is not right." For the life of me, I cannot remember what the question was about, but I know I got it right! Then another child followed with a question I knew I knew the answer to and I got the same "Nope, I don't think so." Arrrrghhhhh...

They left the kitchen and I was surprised this little episode almost had me in tears, but it had been going on for a while. My frustation grew and I realized it was time to have a little chat with God. My comments were, "You know God this is sooooo irritating. Why can't they just take me at my word. They asked the question, surely they thought I had some expertise or knowledge. Why does every question have to lead to such disbelief in my ability?"

To which He replied, " So How Do You Think I Feel?"

Dropped the pan, dropped the spatula and just stood and stared at the pancakes.

Ouch. That hurt.

But you know, He was absolutely right (Imagine that!) How many times do I go to Him with questions I know He will answer and then refute his answer or just ignore it??? If a few kids, an occasional spouse and parents irritate me, I cannot imagine how frustrated God gets with all of our arguing!

O Lord, help me to keep my ears open and my sassy mouth shut!

Dem Bones Gonna Rise Agin!

I know'd it, I know'd it.
Indeed I know'd it-Lordy,
Dem bones gonna rise agin!

Where did that come from?!

I am quietly trying to sort out what is going on in my heart and my world and - out of the blue- comes the refrain from an old camp song. Where in the world did that come from??

It happens every now and then...usually in quiet moments when I am looking for revelation from God and not goofy refrains from my past.

But then, it has been may experience, God deals with us in the ways we best understand. Goofy refrains might be best for me.

The fact of the matter is lately looking at my spiritual life gives me pause to what Ezekiel felt when he looked out over all those dry dusty bones. I pray my day will become like the camp song and "dem bones WILL rise again!"

Heard a sermon-if you want to reset your goals, you need to seek intimacy with God. So I upped my quiet time.

Read a devotional-if you want to hear from God, give to others to make room. Okay, doing that.

Listened to a friend-rest and wait. Oh my, that one was hard! You might as well put my eyes out!

So, in the end, I just celebrated. Yes, I celebrated! Invited some friends over, opened a bottle of wine, fired up the grill, kicked back and watched the sunset....because in the end-

God is God and I am not. And that is just okay with me.

What I am realizing is really simple. All of God's big lessons end up being that way.

It does not matter if I hear from him every day-although he really wants to speak to me. It does not matter if I give until I drop-although if I do it for him it really makes him smile. It does not matter if I rest-although his lap is always available.

In the end, God is God and I am not. I cannot make God move. I can question and I can doubt and I can wonder. But that does not change the fact that deep in my spirit there is an eternal scream "GOD IS!" Despite what I see, hear or feel....

God is-
the Creator
the Provider
the Healer
Father of All that were, are and will be.

I am beginning to understand what looked like bones was God revealing the depths of my faith to me. He knows what it is.

I know because I know because I know- God is.
and that is all I need to know.

Dem Bones Gonna Rise Agin!!!!!

A Sign for the Times

Every now and then a sign by the side of the road will make me smile. Sure, there are those "cute" signs people have with quick expressions which should have lots of meaning. I think I heard it referred to as "roadside evangelism" once.

But a sign on a local Boulevard today just struck me as strangely odd and a true sign of the times. I drive by a psychic's place (can't call it a store or an office, don't know what they call their places of business) and they had a sign in the front of their building. It read "Special, $5.00 readings".

I had several thoughts run through my head-almost simultaneously. The first, and the one that always occurs "I wonder if the person inside knew I would be riding by". The second was, "Wow, they can't even get people to come in and see what the future holds! Do they know something we don't? Are they saying our future is only worth five bucks? That's less than a movie ticket!"

Then it occurred to me-

I don't have to pay a dime to know what my future holds.

I know where I am going to end up for the "long haul". I plan to haul it up to heaven and hang out with the big guys as soon as they release me from this earthly assignment! I also don't have to worry about what tomorrow will bring, or next week, or next month, or next year. I have the joy of what Oswald Chambers called,"gracious uncertainty". I might not know what tomorrow brings, but I know I can trust the One who is bringing it!

I saved my five bucks that day. My future is sealed time and I don't have to worry about the detail. God has it all under control.

Somethings we just won't understand

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have not part with me."
John 13:7-8

Do we fight Jesus when He tries to clean us? Do we say, "no way," that doesn't need to be done? Or perhaps we cannot accept what he has already don in our life and ask him to start all over again. As if to say one cleansing from Him was not enough!

The best path is to just accept Jesus's words in verse 7 - "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.: We have to learn trust-trust God will not begin working in an area of our life until we are ready. Trust that he knows what needs to be cleaned and exactly how much cleaning needs to be done. Then we have to trust that He can do the cleaning.

When we do, we can rest knowing later we will understand the events of the now.

Broken or Crushed?

Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.
Luke 20:18
...he restores my soul.
Psalm 23:3a

Brokenness. Crushing. Repentance. Restoration.
Hard words to hear. Tough times to live. An ending with joy unimaginable.

To cast ourselves on Christ leaves us at His mercy. He will break us. HE will, not something or someone else. He will be aware of what comes and goes in our lives and what areas need to be chipped away. he will stand close and surpervise the whole process.

But what if we do not chose Christ? He will crush us. Our lack of choice will bring us pain beyond repair. Total destruction and desolation. Life without Christ is not life.

So we choose, hopefully we choose to be broken instead of crushed. Why? Because broken can be repaired. Crushed is a little harder. Through repentance and the relearning of our ways, we actually walk with Christ not to a repaired state but a restored state. The state we were intended to be when we were fearfully and wonderfully made.

Broken. Crushed.
Repaired. Restored.

You choose.

How Close is "Close"?

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Just what does "close" mean? Does it mean an unattached observer standing nearby quietly watching? Does it mean a casual friend passing by to see if you are doing okay? No.

To God, "Close" is more like riding in your back pocket. His definition of close is similar to an angel sitting on your shoulder. Can you feel Him? Can you sense the presence of Jesus looking at your situation with you? By your side?

A crushed spirit is a devastating thing. The crushing presses out all our illusions, our delusions, our fantasies about what should be and leaves us empty and bruised. Then it just lies there-lifeless and not able to renew itself. Life goes on around us, but we just are dazed and confused and hurt.

The gentle touch of the Savior who takes broken hearts into his hands and breathes new life into them is all a crushed spirit needs. He breathes softly-giving us strength and fills us until full and floating above our troubles.

Allow God to be close to you. Allow Jesus to walk by your side and allow His spirit to resuscitate your broken spirit.

Taste and See, so you can remember

Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Psalm 34:8

It is important to have a deep heart knowledge of the Lord. Head knowledge of God is useless when the wind starts blowing and the waves start crashing. Like a hat blown into the surf, head knowledge is the first thing to abandon ship when we get into rough patches.

So what do you do? How do you prepare for the storms? Simple. Feed on the Lord. Devour the things of the Lord and make them part of your very soul. See that the Lord is good. Make it a habit to look around you and see God provides all your needs. He takes care of you when things are going smooth, so don't you think He will do the same when you are struggling and really need some assistance? God is not a fair-weather friend!

Taste, the love of God is sweet, not bitter. Taste of His love enough that you recognize its flavor and carry its memory in your heart. Watch with your eyes and your heart. Do not let a moment pass where you do not see and taste what He is doing all around you.

God is Love and Love is a verb. Experience teaches us what a verb means, so experience God and take Him into your heart before the winds begin to blow.

Radiance

He delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
Psalm 34:4-5

Fear is a terrible thing. It makes us hide; it makes us run. We become immobile and do not reach out. It is truly the absence of faith. The Lord promises to deliver us from our fears, but we must do our part first. We must seek Him. Once we look to the Lord, He reaches out to us and delivers us.

Amazingly, when He answers, He looks at us as if we were radiant. By coming to him, he erases the shame and fear we have carried in our souls. He can erase the damage of a lifetime of shame in one moment. He then sees us as beautiful and perfect in His eyes. He can do that - He is God.

God wants us to come to Him. It is the desire of His heart for us to seek Him and ask for His help. Help requested is different from help offered. When we ask for help, we open our lives and invite him in to the parts needing repair. He waits, yearning to lift us up, listening for our cries. He waits with longing and hope we will invite him in to our spaces. He waits with perfect love - just for you.

Start of Something Old

I was cleaning out some things a few months ago and ran across a stack of devotionals I wrote years ago. They were written during a time when God was so amazingly close to me, somedays I thought I felt his breath on the back of my neck.

These days, life is busy and my mind is so fragmented, that I wonder if He is watching shaking his head.

It is time to go back and breathe life to these words that poured so much life into me.

Enjoy.

Looking through a storm

We are well into hurricane season and the past few weeks I have had my share of the duck-and-dodge the storm dance. First there was Fay, who had a little bit of an attentional disorder and quite a bit of ambivalence. She certainly did not seem to know which way to go.
Then, there was Gustav and now someone seems to have left the barn door open on the Atlantic and they are coming faster than we can name them!

All of this would make me very nervous except for a special sunset.
Monday evening I was hiding again at my favorite spot at Siesta Key. The sun was setting and had an unusual quality ( I will upload a shot once I get the pictures onto the computer). I realized I was watching it set through Hurricane Gustav. That between the sun and me there was a serious storm going on, but yet I could still enjoy the sunset.

Wow.

Talk about a sermon in a sunset. How many times do I forget to look above the storm and past it instead of getting swallowed up in it? Of course, it is hard to see the sunset when the storm is closing in on you. I know there were hundreds of people on the Gulf Coast waiting for it to pass just to be able and determine the damage.

Yet, sometimes God calls us to have faith, look above and beyond to tomorrow and trust He is still in control.

Even when all we see is flying debris.

Prayers are with you my fellow Hurricane Warriors. My prayers are with you.

sometimes you need to go to your Dad's home....

Last month I traveled north-to Hancock, Maine where my Dad grew up.
It had been over thirty years since I was there. The house seemed smaller, but that was all that had really changed. I still climbed the rocks to sit at Sunset Rock, and I still sat in the front yard and picked Blueberries.

And I still took a deep breath. I remembered how little I really need to live and be happy. A nice view, a quiet place, a good book and something to write on and with and I am one happy camper.

We forget that don't we?

We forget how little it takes to be happy, peaceful, content and make ourselves crazy with the world around us.

Oh, how I pray we can stand still long enough to bathe in the thought of just being for a while.

Things don't always change. Sometimes it is just us who do.

Quiet is this moment. Quiet is my soul. I pray it will go with me through the night and past the sunrise!

I have a new motto for our family: we might not have it altogether, but together we have it ALL!

Sounds about right.

Forgetting about the right time

I am a very goal oriented person. If I have a task ahead of me, set out a deadline and a path to it- I am generally quite productive. If I know there is some nebulous item looming in the tomorrow land, I will rarely get it started forget about finishing it.

But that is changing - I hope. I am trying to discard the old plan oriented/procrastinator self who waits for the right time for a new model. The one that is more concerned about right NOW not a right time. It is a hard part of myself to morph.

God is reminding me to look at right now - what is going on right now that I need to be aware of? At the same time, seeing down the road keeps me from drowning in the right nowness of the day. There is a fine balance to this mindfulness.

This picture reminds me of the right now. There have been times when I would have waited until the entire tree was in bloom. I have found the beginning reveals the details. We never see the details of the bud and the vast effort it takes to bloom when we see the whole tree. Waiting to see the beauty, we miss the real beauty. The journey and revelations along the way.

I am praying my eyes will stay focused on today and my spirit on eternity. Perhaps, that is the only way to make it while travelling from the now to the not yet.

Should Christians be Looking for Anything?

Nope.

We seriously limit God when we look for things from him. And, thankfully, we don't get what we deserve which would be a long miserable eternity. Fortunately, through a Life in Christ, we can expect a wonderful ending to our very short earthbound story.

Here on earth though we tend to look for God to do things and miss so much. If we would just let go of our grip on the details of life and EXPECT God to show up - our blessings would overflow.

The words look and expect are significant to me because I tend to spend a large chunk of time "looking" for stuff. I believe even if I did put something back where I got it, it would mysteriously move to another place to irritate me. Couple that with a natural predisposition to be headed mentally somewhere before I have reached my physical destination (i.e. Car keys end up on kitchen table not bedroom dresser), I am forever trying to find stuff.

Some days it drives me nuts. Some days I am reminded that no matter how many times I get lost on my way to my Father's house, he can and will reach down and bring me back to him. Fortunately, I am always on the Big Guy's GPS!

Expecting is very different from looking. When we EXPECT something, we have a generalized anticipation. We can expect to receive a gift. We can expect company to be at our home at a certain time. Do we expect God to be where we need him? Do we expect Him to move, or do we look for a specific sign? indication? movement to define who He is?

Again, I would say that looking for God is not what we need to practice. Stand back, open your hands and arms and ask God to BringIt On! Whatever it is - because He always has your best interest at heart and he always deliberates before he moves. Expect God to show up and see where He does!

Time to Go

There is a time and a season for all.

It is about time to leave my hiding place and join the world again.

I have been so saturated in- well, I can't really describe what I have been saturated in- it just washes over me, removes the things that slow me down and fills me again.

Everytime I leave here, I leave with a little more resolve to draw closer to God.

That probably is why he allows me to keep coming back.
Because it always brings me back to him.

Holy, holy, holy!
Great is the Lord God Almighty!

I love hanging out with the Big Guy.

See ya soon
From Siesta Key

Hanging with the Pelicans!

Romans 1:20
For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

I am without excuse.

As I sit on the beautiful shores of Siesta Key, I am convicted, pierced, and deeply aware of the fact I am without excuse.

I have seen the majesty of God's creation.

Only an Amazing creator could bring together the green of the water, the reflection of the sun and a blue I have no words to describe.

None.

Every time I come here, I think it will be the same as the last time.
Never is it anywhere near the same.

Sitting on the white sand, under my awning, I sit and and dodge as my son and a new friend play Frisbee. He will never know the pleasure I get from watching him enjoy the sand and surf as much as his momma does.

When I glance on the porch, I see my other passionate son scribbling his thoughts onto paper. Like his mother, the simple vast beauty brings out the poet in him and connects his heart with his mind and his hand. Again, his love of this place and the effect it has on his heart is so beautiful to me.

My world is just a few miles down the road and I am blessed to be able to escape the "day - to - dayness" of life and just "be". I don't have to run after God here; he waits quietly to meet me. I don't have to sort through the demands of my day. I just have to figure where I am going to sit and listen to the voice of the One who created this beautiful place.

I just have to laugh.

I just have to love.

To some, this place may seem like a fantasy place. But to me, this is where reality exists. This is where I get back to the basics of living in real time and right now and with my Great God.

This small stretch of sand is where I remember in the beginning God hovered over the waters. If the waters looked like this, I am shocked he added land. Then again, the contrast of the white and the green and the blue is what makes it not just beautiful, but amazing and peaceful.

I have to remember that - I have to keep in mind it is the contrasts of life which give it dimension and depth and meaning.

If there were no sand, or jetties, where would the pelicans sit? Where would I sit and soak in all God has created?

See you soon,
For now - I am sitting with the pelicans taking in the work of the Creator.

It all works together - for the good of my soul.


wandering and wondering

Rising above Life

Psalm 5:11
"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."

There are times when God speaks so softly, he screams. Your only choice is to listen.

The day before my son's 22nd birthday was one of those days. It had been a busy few weeks - school started, new job, new clients, new ways of doing things. Add to that preparation for a family reunion. My head was spinning.

One of the things my mom had asked to do was parasailing. After consulting her doctor, it was a go and she had no way to back out. In the end she loved it.

In the end, God spoke with His soft strong voice as only he can do.

I was up in the air, hundreds of feet above the water and was speechless. Stunned. In awe. I looked to my son and said, "this is the closest we can ever get to seeing the world like God does. We know some of the people down there and what they are probably doing. But, they don't know we are up here."

Then I tried to look at the sail. The one I knew was keeping me up in the air and hundreds of feet above the water. But I couldn't.

I realized this flight was not a whim. It was a lesson. I looked at my son and said, "It is kinda strange that we are trusting something we cannot see to keep us in flight...and that which is holding us in place is really fragile."

Many times since then, I have wondered about what keeps me afloat, and what keeps me from flying higher. One day, maybe I can cut all the strings and truly soar on wings of eagles.

More than a Year

I keep thinking I am going to find that blog, write something and slow my brain down. When I finally found it - it had been over a year!

Where does time go? The last year has meant moving, having my parents move in with my family. Sending a son off to college, running my business and trying to hold life together. Amazingly, things are not falling completely apart.

Maybe I will get back here sooner than a year- where does time go???

Change -funny how we want it but cannot stand it

My days for so long have been about change. The most ironic thing would be to have days the same for an extended period. That would be a change for me!

Sometimes I wonder why God has my life so fluid. Why he does not allow me the routine of life so I can get comfortable and assured and better serve him. Why do I always feel like I am in opening night of a new play that has never been done before?

The truth of the matter is God knows me best and knows I have the attention span of an ant. That is probably why. As much as I moan, I would probably moan more if he kept me standing still. I thrive on his lessons, his insignts and his wisdom. I just wish they were sometimes easier to learn and came in prettier packages.

I have noticed frequently people ask for change and then stall when they start to get it. I guess maybe they are afraid they will lose the control they feel they have. Or is it they are afraid they personally will have to change. We all know it is the outside world that needs to change, not us inside, right? right. So when change comes, we really don't want to have to change at all-we want the world to change -always.

The greatest change I want right now is to change my heart so I will be more willing to change!